(4)The girl sitting in front of me is shaking.The same feeling I felt three years ago returns.Three years ago, the girl who shared the same room with me killed if herself because of loneliness, and when she was on the verge of death, I was the one who left her alone and wasted my chance to save her life. That night I was sitting on my bed and shaking. A sense of guilt captured me and almost suffocated me. “What if I stayed there to comfort her in that moment? What if I hugged her and told her everything will be okay? What if…” These questions became frightening screams that berated and tortured me. I couldn't fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes, the girl's deep blue eyes would pop into my mind and look at me sadly. Honestly, I thought I was the one who killed her. Over the next few days I was like a person lost in the desert. I couldn't sleep or eat. The blame I gave had completely dominated me. I couldn't find my way out. I was stuck. Nothing could effectively extricate me from the guilt. But I have to save myself. I needed to put my back against the wall. So I rented a place near the hostel and decided to stay in this city for a few months. The decision to save lives was deeply rooted in my guilt rather than my concern. Over the three years, the more I felt complementary in caring for others, the more I felt guilty about myself. Every time I encountered a person who might have the possibility of committing suicide, I felt that I had been entrusted with a mission and had a duty to undertake it. Once I saved his life, I would feel relieved, otherwise that terrible feeling would haunt me again. I have been struggling in a vicious cycle for three years, and it still continues... middle of paper... affects me and sheds light on my life. During the three years since the girl's death, I feel as if I have been walking down a dark, long, lonely road and imagine that one day, when I arrive at my destination, I will feel relieved and no longer guilty for what I have done. Yet I don't know, and no one knows, how long the road will be. “It's time to say goodbye” echoes in my mind and I almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will continue my career caring for others, but out of my own deep concern, rather than my own guilt and selfishness to seek relief. .“The past will pass. It's time to say goodbye." Everything will have a destination, so does my fault. I see her nod and then smile. The bright sun filtering through the window casts a shadow on her face and lights up her hair. The rain it stops and the sun comes back out. I know we've both found the answer.