“You smell like linseed oil.”My father spoke in a bewildered tone. He didn't believe that simply cleaning a painter's studio would cause the smell to stay on my clothes, my skin, my hair. He was right. It was as if he had guessed that I now slept with the oil in my room, that I sat for hours painting myself and absorbing the scent. He imagined and yet he could not say it. His blindness had taken away his confidence, so he didn't trust the thoughts in his mind. A year earlier I could have tried to help him, suggest what he was thinking, humor him by making him express what he thought. But now I simply watched him struggle in silence, like a beetle that has fallen on its back and can't turn over. Sometimes it's better not to tell my family, sometimes it's better to leave them in the dark, searching for something they think is there, sometimes it's just easier. Even my mother had guessed, even though she didn't know what she was doing, she had guessed. Sometimes I couldn't even meet his gaze. When I looked at it it was a puzzle of restrained anger, of curiosity, of pain. He was trying to understand what happened to his daughter. She was reflecting on her decision to allow me to work as a maid in the Vermeer household. I had gotten used to the smell of linseed oil. I even kept a small bottle by my bed. In the morning, while I was getting dressed, I held it up to the window to admire its color, which was like lemon juice with a drop of lead-tin yellow inside. I'm wearing that color now, I wanted to say. He's painting me that color. Instead, to take my father's mind off the smell, I described the other painting my teacher was working on. “A young woman sits at the harpsichord and plays. She is wearing a yellow and black bodice, the same one the baker's daughter wore for her father... in the middle of a sheet of paper... the present, looking at my father again, if he knew, if any of them knew if they knew, what would they think? Works Cited "Artist's Paintings". Earth Pigments.com. Earth Pigments Supplies and Web. December 01, 2010. http://www.earthpigments.com/artists-oil-paints/ “How to Make Oil Painting.” Printmaking.com. Johansen, Tony and Web. July 13, 2006. http://www.paintmaking.com/grinding_oils.htm "Johannes Vermeer." rijksmuseum. National Gallery, n.d. Web. 24 February 2009. https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/explore-the-collection/overview/johannes-vermeer “Johannes Vermeer (Dutch painter).” , Wheelock, Arthur K. Web January 24, 2014. http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/626156/Johannes-Vermeer “The Concert: 1665-1666.” Vermeer Foundation.com Vermeer Foundation Gallery, nd Web.03 August 2002. http://www.vermeer-foundation.org/The-Concert-1665-66.html.